Increderea in sine, pasul 2

2. Learn to overcome a fear of self-love. Self-love is often equated with narcissism, egotism, and some kind of one-way trip to introversion. This is probably partly because the English language has a hard time dealing with the word "love" – it has to cover a lot of territory for the many different types of love out there. It is also mired in the confusion people feel about the messaging to do good unto others, to always be charitable, and to give, give, give, of oneself. While these are noble intentions, they can often be taken out of proportion and used to downplay putting one's own needs and wants beneath those of others out of a fear of being perceived as selfish or inward-looking. Again, this is about getting the balance right.

• Healthy self love is about being your own best friend. Self love is expressed not through preening oneself all day and constantly announcing how great you are (those are signs of intense insecurity); rather, self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, and compassion as you would treat a special friend.
• Treat yourself with care, compassion, and respect.
• Avoid overlaying how you think other people see you; how does it help you to capitulate to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost needed.
• Self love falters when we fall into the realm of addiction. Alcoholism, drug addiction, internet addiction, and all similar addictions are a sign that you're hurting deeply but also that you don't want to face up to the opportunities presented by working through your pain.

2. Incearca sa depasesti teama de a te iubi pe tine. Iubirea de sine este adeseori etichetata drept narcisism, egocentrism si un fel de calatorie "dus" catre introvertire. Asta se datoreaza in mare parte faptului ca substantivul "iubire" trebuie sa acopere o gama larga de sentimente. Oamenii au mai fost indusi in eroare si de interpretarea iubirii ca "a face bine celorlalti, a fi mereu plin de caritate, a da, a da, a da de la tine". In vreme ce acestea sunt intentii nobile, ele pot fi adeseori interpretate disproportionat si folosite gresit, pentru ca nu cumva sa trecem drept egoisti ori interiorizati daca punem nevoile si dorintele noastre deasupra celorlalti. Toate astea se datoreaza unui dezechilibru in interpretare.

• iubirea sanatoasa de sine inseamna sa-ti fii cel mai bun prieten. Iubirea de sine se exprima nu prin lauda de sine si anunturi constante despre cat de bun esti (astea sunt semnele unei nesigurante acute), ci prin tratarea ta cu aceeasi grija, toleranta, generozitate si compasiune cu care ai trata un prieten special;
• trateaza-te cu grija, compasiune si respect;
• evita sa iti mai inchipui ca esti asa cum crezi tu ca te vad ceilalti. Numai tu poti sa dai stimei de sine impulsul necesar.
• iubirea de sine se clatina atunci cand cadem in capcana dependentelor. Alcoolismul, drogurile, dependenta de internet si altele asemanatoare sunt un semn ca suferi profund, dar si ca nu vrei sa te confrunti cu ocaziile pe care ti le-ar oferi incercarile de a-ti rezolva durerile.

(aici parca e ceva mai multa informatie)

Increderea in sine

Carmen, intr-o postare de-a ei de pe Luxul simplitatii mi-a scos in cale un articol despre increderea in sine. Voi reda aici, intr-o traducere aproximativa, cate un pas pe postare, din cei unsprezece. Nu garantez ca o sa-i preiau pe toti. Daca unul nu mi se va parea fezabil, o sa-l sar.

Babies are born knowing their self-worth; as life moves on, the comments, expectations, and attitudes of other people can wear down this natural sense of self-worth. Self-worth is what enables us to believe that we are capable of doing our best with our talents, of contributing well in society, and that we deserve to lead a fulfilling life. Building it up again is therefore natural, essential, and healthy.

1. Understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself. How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. And if it happens that you're putting yourself down, belittling your worth, and making light of your talents in the face of others, then you will come across as self-effacing, low in self-esteem, and almost a part of the wallpaper. This isn't humility, it's self-denial and an attempt to lessen your presence. On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you'll come across as egotistical and arrogant but oddly enough, this is not about over-estimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one in which you recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself.

 

Ne nastem constienti de propria valoare. Pe masura ce trecem prin viata comentariile, asteptarile, atitudinea celorlalti ne pot eroda acest simt al propriei valori. Respectul de sine este cel ce ne permite sa credem ca suntem capabili sa scoatem tot ce e mai bun din talentele noastre, sa contribuim la bunastarea societatii si ne face sa credem ca meritam sa ducem o viata implinita. A-l reintregi este, astfel, cat se poate de natural, este esential si sanatos.

 

1. Intelege puterea propriei atitudini fata de tine si a parerii despre tine. Felul in care te percepi, in care vorbesti despre tine si maniera in care te reprezinti sfarsesc prin a deveni realitate. Daca se intampla sa te discreditezi, sa te devalorizezi si daca ai obiceiul de a-ti minimiza valoarea talentelor tale in ochii celorlalti, vei deveni modest, vei avea o stima redusa de sine si vei incepe sa te confunzi cu decorul. Asta nu este umilinta, este auto-negare si o incercare de a te face mai putin vizibil. Pe de alta parte, daca iti exagerezi calitatile, talentele si abilitatile, vei trece drept egoist si arogant dar oricat de ciudat ar parea, asta nu reprezinta o supraestimare a propriei valori, ci o modalitate de a te insela prin nesiguranta. Exista o cale de mijloc si anume aceea in care recunosti si celebrezi faptul ca esti o persoana de valoare, egala cu oricare alta si ca talentele si gandirea ta sunt unice si demne de respect. A ajunge la aceasta credinta poate fi dificil daca ai petrecut ani subestimandu-te, dar se poate sa-ti schimbi mentalitatea si sa inveti sa te pui in valoare singur.

 

(pana aici nimic spectaculos)